Thanks to a well known Internet podcast, the only phrase that really mattered this past holiday season was one concerning developer Volition’s remaining big franchise: you really should play Saints Row the Third. While living in the shadow of Rockstar’s premier series, Saints Row has been carving itself a different path where the improbable and the impossible crash together with an explosive force, realising that its best bet for the games to be more successful, and arguably more fun, is to embrace a silliness that its compatriots are simply too scared to attempt.

Have no doubt, the third installment not only embraces this mantra, but runs with it into areas that will split opinions amongst the audience that plays it. The Saints are back in Stillwater, now living up a lifestyle of excess and debauchery as the most famous citizens in town. But fame attracts attention, both from rival gangs and from the city leaders, leading to more excuses to unload bullets and destroy everything in the player’s path in the name of honour, glory and a damn good time.

From this simple beginning craziness ensues, and the strongest aspects of the title start to show themselves within minutes of the first cut scene finishing. The player’s newly designed avatar, joined by the rest of the Saints crew, hold up the city bank, all dressed as the main man Johnny Gatt (complete with a giant head as part of the costume). What follows is a righteous roller coaster ride involving flying vaults, crazy skydiving, and blasting feet-first into the cockpit of a jumbo jet.

Funny thing is, by the end of the game that whole process will feel almost normal.

This then progresses into imagination given unlimited capacity to provide the player with scenarios that are regularly fun to initially experience. The toys are bigger and the carnage more addictively destructive than ever before, and the designers no longer shy away from providing the biggest and best toys up front, all in the name of providing a sandbox thrill on a scale that is simply staggering at multiple moments. At times, they display a wild invention that could only really be done in this universe, showcasing an ability to create scenarios that mix wanton destruction with the most ridiculous set pieces while always appearing utterly normal within the game context.

When this is done right, the results are electric, particularly when combined with the 80′s infused radio station, which can provide some unexpectedly inappropriately appropriate backing music. No matter how crazy, the script remains entertaining and continuously tongue-in-cheek throughout, in part realising the insanity around it but always happy to poke fun at itself at nearly every opportunity, leading to some genuinely funny moments of character discussion and one very unexpected cameo.

It is in the moment-to-moment gameplay where the title begins to slowly dip down. The fantastic scenarios provided mainly distill into the player running around with dual weapons drawn spouting bullets, creating a unsatisfying sensation of attrition over skill, and while the game has some cool toys, for the most part they are so ammo limited that it relies on the poorer standard gunplay to take up the slack for the majority of the main missions. The side distractions are mostly lifted from the previous games, with a few new additions or twists on existing type and lack any compulsive reason to play them, reducing the mechanic to a standard series of rinse and repeat steps that alternate between the too easy and the frustrating with no real excitement in-between.

It straddles a fine line between the brilliant and the bogged down where what the player is set up for at times fails to deliver more than a standard experience that has been seen in many titles before it, albeit with a very flashy costume. The explosions start to meld into a barely distracting ball of flames and twisted metal that becomes so regular it starts to stray into the realms of the underwhelming without managing to fully dive in.

It is also a game that is wantonly exploitative in regards to the female gender, painting most of the women with the game as underdressed characters simply there to provide a sexual thrill to the player. The designers would point to one of the main characters being a stronger female presence, a fact that is undermined in one mission where she ends up dressing as an overtly sexualised public figure to gain entry into an enemy building.

Ultimately where Saints Row 3 wobbles is in the shallowness of the gameplay mechanics that provide a broad but not necessarily deep experience to the player. It wears a big, loud flashy coat which on the surface is undeniably fu,n but can only be worn for a limited amount of time before the sensation begins to wear off and the grind factor of “go to location, shoot everything and leave” starts to wear thin. There is a meta-game that lies underneath; specific missions that relate to activities in the world supplement the main missions and specific activities can be triggered at certain locations but each follow paradigms set up in games released well before this. All it does is enforce this grind for a longer period of time should the player want to take it up.

Where it shines is in creating situations that are genuinely surprising and running through scenarios which are so out of the ordinary they feel fresh. The title presents a complete gamut of possibilities that no one can envisage and shows on a small number of opportunities a desire to try and mix up the formula without ever being able to truly commit itself to moving away from its base template.

For that reason alone, the mantra stated at the start of the review holds true; you really should play Saints Row the Third. In terms of mission possibilities, there is nothing else like it that came out last year, but its base mechanics belie a series that remains at the first installment and has never figured out a way to move forward.

The veneer of the pure insanity on the screen is welcome but covers a crossroads for the game and a decision for Volition. Do they continue to keep the same architecture and simply expand the masking to make everything bigger, badder and more extreme, or take a long hard look at what needs to be changed to break a cycle that ultimately wears down this game?

Reviewed on 360

7/10

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Are you tired of slaughtering hordes of undead?  Getting frustrated by super-intelligent robots sniping you from 100 yards?  Do you just want a break from high intensity gaming?

Even if you don’t, I would suggest you brush off that little dust-gathering piece of equipment known as the Wii, and load up the game Kirby’s Epic Yarn.

Kirby has always been one of the lesser known heroes in Nintendo’s IP catalogue.  Most remember him as the morphing pink Pokémon-esque character in the Super Smash Bros. franchise.  Some might even have watched his cartoon show on TV. But few Western folks admit to purchasing a Kirby game.

I have to admit, Kirby was my favourite SSB character. He could float for ages, and steal the main weapon of any opponent. I have also long forgotten how many hours I sunk into Kirby’s Pinball Land on the Game Boy (released in 1993).  If you play it today, it still holds up.  But despite my appreciation of the pink guy with no language skills to his name, I never picked up any of the Dream Land series, or any other for that matter, until I saw the interest in Kirby’s Epic Yarn.

The story begins with Kirby being hungry (as usual), and spotting a tomato to eat. This turns out to be magical, and ultimately leads to him being absorbed into a piece of cloth. Once there, he rescues a blue character, Prince Fluff, and discovers that the world he is in has been severed into pieces, and needs to be stitched back together.  The reluctant hero sets off on a journey to find the pieces of Epic Yarn which will attach the stages to the world hub, allowing him to progress onto the new pieces of fabric.  This might sound a bit too far fetched as a story plot goes, but you can easily see it re-worked to a Disney title with Mickey Mouse and friends finding pages of a storybook.

The first impression of the game is one of relaxation.  There is no time limit, no constant wave of incoming attack, no real sense of danger or urgency at all.  The colours are bright and the characters are clear.  There is a real sense that this could be ideal gaming for kids washing over me as I am shown to double tap right on the D-pad to turn into a car (complete with little car-horn beeping as I shape-shift) and I now have the ability to travel faster.  You also see that holding the jump button turns Kirby into a little parachute for a slow fall, and that pressing down on the D-pad turns him into a big weight to slam down on the enemies.  Everything is explained simply and graphically on screen.  Every time you find a new shape-shift ability, there is a little display in the background demonstrating what actions you can now perform.  So far I have discovered the following shapes : tank, mole, UFO, monster truck, fire truck, and submarine.

Venturing in a number of levels, I find that I have been transformed into a huge tank.  Suddenly this game got exciting!  Now I can blow stuff up!  This initial burst of excitement is short lived as I pass a line which robs me of my new tank and gives me back my regular Kirby.  I would like to point out that I am not disappointed that I don’t get to keep the tank, just that it gives a peaceful game a short burst of action.

With regards to action, I am actually trying to work out if this game is a bizarre twist on LittleBigPlanet and Sonic The Hedgehog.  Both those games feature characters who do not speak. If Sonic takes a hit, he loses rings, but does not die (assuming he is carrying rings). Sackboy is obviously a cloth character with a much slower approach to his levels, with each one being a story of exploration.  When Kirby is hit, he loses some beads that he has collected, but so far I have found myself incapable of dying.  Even taking a hit when I had no beads, I just bounced a bit.  This is why I get the sense of child-friendly gaming.  There is no real danger.  The levels seem to be about how close to perfection you can finish a level, rather than how fast.  Of course, this is the sense provided to you at the start of the game.  By the time I reach the fire lands, I have to race a volcano to stop it erupting, and death does occur.  To be honest, it’s actually a welcome change, and does make me respect it a little more.

There is a small amount of puzzle-solving to the levels, which may require you to unzip a ledge, causing a piece to fall away and reveal a platform behind or underneath, as well as the option to occasionally draw a string thread, like you would do with a curtain, to pull a far away ledge toward you, causing part of the level to bunch up.  It seems such a simple mechanic when you do it, but at the same time, feels clever.

Completing levels often grants a new cloth patch which is used on the hub map to gain access to locked stages.  There are also mini-games back in the main town, where you can decorate your apartment, or play hide and seek with other guests.

Two-player co-op is available, with the second character taking the role of Prince Fluff, complete with all the same abilities as Kirby.  Two-player does feel a little like New Super Mario Bros. Wii, where if you die, you return to the screen floating until you find a safe spot to land.

If I am totally honest, the game has failed to sustain my attention for more than a few levels at a time, but for the levels I do play, I explore the hell out of them!  I find that I often come to this game to wind down after playing something else for a long period, as it is an ideal vehicle to calm your nerves, lower your pulse, and feel good about yourself.  I’ve said throughout this piece that it feels very child friendly, and I think a parent with a young child would have a blast on this with its cute graphics and welcoming atmosphere.  I am glad I bought it, and it will remain in the console for short bursts for several weeks yet.

8/10

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Before we get to my choice for game of the year, I thought I’d say a little bit about my gaming year first.

My year started out pretty normal; nothing much was happening for the first half.  I was doing my usual, working, looking after my daughter, and playing the occasional game.

Then, during the school summer holidays, my gaming life changed.

It started as a normal day, my daughter went to her friend’s house to spend the day playing there. Nothing unusual you may say, and it wasn’t. That is until I went to pick her up.

That’s when I met our lord and master here at GamerDork.

I introduced myself to Neil, a guy I was only on nodding terms with from the school gates when we picked up or respective terrors after a hard day of learning (them not us).

The ensuing conversation is where my gaming life changed.

Neil, it turned out, was just getting into board games and was looking for a like-minded geek to join him on this adventure. Yes, I was that geek.

Over the next few weeks we met up, played some games, and got to know each other.

Then out of the blue, Neil asked me to join him on a podcast he was doing at the time.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Recording the show was fun; I got to just spill my guts about the passion I have for games. Sadly, due to time constraints, new jobs, and a multitude of other things, the shows haven’t happened for some time, but, as they say, watch this space.

Okay, game of the year now, and its me, so it’s going to be a board game. So for my choice, it’s got to be Discworld: Ankh-Morpork.

I’m choosing this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it was such a huge surprise. As I say in my review of the game, I’m a Terry Pratchett fan boy, so being into board games, it was a no brainer. I was always going to buy this, but I was surprised by how good it was.

Not only does it play well, it also looks great as you’re playing. The attention to detail is amazing, the look of the thing is perfect, and the game is just what I wanted and more. I’ve played it several times with family and friends, and everyone who has joined me on an adventure through the streets of Ankh-Morpork has enjoyed the journey.

If you would like more information about the game, go read my full review here:

http://gamerdork.net/category/caledonia-boarding

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On reflection it is hard to believe I was quite so worried. The end of 2010 felt as if it was leading into the next year with little to be that excited about. The tail end of 2011 was looking remarkably sparse and all that was known for certain were titles appearing just after the New Year had started. And yet somehow it has also become my most expensive on record, primarily based on some surprises and the lack of willpower to stop me buying an awful lot of special editions. The ironic thing is that I am now in the exact same position I found myself in twelve months ago. But let’s first go all Wayne’s World, shake those hands, and regress back twelve months.

The good thing is that these days the start of the year is just as exciting as the end of the last, with companies realising that the best way to pad out some good profits is to release some of the their biggest titles in the first three months, a practice that also manages to avoid the game being submerged in the gluttony of the Christmas retail rush.

Of course, instead of getting excited, I ignored most of this and kept plugging away at the bizarrely addictive Deadly Premonition, a game where no part looks even remotely modern, where the mechanics were so rigid they’d make Resident Evil 1 appear quite experimental, and where the plot was just frankly barmy. But it proved to be so intoxicating that it kept me gripped through the festive period and into the start of 2011 with the reward being an ending that, well, everyone should at least YouTube. Or, even better, watch the Giant Bomb endurance run.

Once completed, it was time for something new with arguably the first big hit of the year: Dead Space 2 — the bigger, badder, mostly the same, but with an exceedingly irritating un-killable (allegedly) necromorph appearing in the end section follow-up to that rarest of beasts, new IP. Still, it did have the most disturbing sequence of the year with the impromptu addition of DIY eye surgery, made even better by the lack of explanation, leading to a truly horrific death scene if done incorrectly. What it also did was indicate a trend that became stronger as the months rolled on: the biggest games in town were all sequels that would beat the life out of any new title that attempted to share the same shelf space, and most of these sequels would somehow feel just that little bit less special than their predecessors.

The following phase of the year was the great live arcade clean up. Limbo went from half-finished to confusingly complete, with Comic Jumper showing that 2D beat-em-ups can always be improved by a slightly sarcastic talking star. Interestingly, neither turned out to be quite as fun as I had initially remembered; the former looked great and at times played infuriatingly, with the latter showing that side-scrolling fighters really can be done badly if the mechanics are as rough as a badger.

But where disappointment had started to set in, pure joy suddenly arrived. Bizarre Creations’ Blur proved to be a fitting epitaph for a studio that closed its doors during 2011, creating a multi-layered arcade racer which always provided a pure thrill on the track. For a team who became synonymous with the racing genre, Blur is everything the studio should be remembered for.

The neon lights of inner city racing shifted into the swear-fest of Bulletstorm, a game where shooting became a dazzlingly balletic art of bullets, kicks and slow-motion whips. It was a stunningly self-aware title that traded accuracy for pizazz and the desire to let the player show off as it offered a range of skill shots that mixed the sublime with the ridiculous. No other game this year has allowed me to dispose of enemies in a way that has made me laugh so much and so often; I mean, you got to control a laser spouting dinosaur, for goodness sake! There is no point at which this stops being ridiculously cool, or stops being the kind of shooter that I have always wanted but never expected to get.

In-between this was the ultimately uncool Brutal Legend. An incredible concept interspersed with a confused execution led to a game with a world to die for but gameplay to forget. Thank god for the renewed direction into downloadable content for Double Fine, a move that brought in the fantastic Costume Quest. On the surface an RPG lite, it contained all the humour and pure joy of the developer’s previous outings without ending up so long that it became irritating. By all accounts, both Stacking and Trenched (sorry, Iron Brigade) are keeping up the fine tradition of Double Fine actually being loved again.

Portal 2 was by far my most anticipated game of the year; who could not look forward to another Valve game that promised to be touching, funny and incredibly addictive? What was most welcome was that it not only managed to do this but introduced a tremendous multiplayer component that was every bit as polished, clever and inventive as its single-player. No game can be flawless, and the regular loading screens broke some of the immersion the developers had so carefully tried to create, but this was as close as can be to being untouchable in terms of overall quality. Combined with one of the best game endings that brought together everything learnt during the game with a remarkably unexpected move that left most players gasping, the final result was simply extraordinary.

The mildly addicting Need for Speed SHIFT 2: Unleashed was next on the hit list. Normally I can stop myself going down the rabbit hole of trying to complete everything involved with the title, but in this instance my willpower completely deserted me. Due to this, my single-player game stands at 100% completion with everything humanely possible mastered: the courses, the championships, the challenges, everything. Quite frankly, I loved the thrill of driving these vehicles. No matter that they controlled like they were on ice at high speeds, at times the vehicle resembling a snake having an epilepsy attack going down the straight and that the design followed the same paradigms started by Gran Turismo, for some unknown reason it grabbed me, and grabbed me in a way little else did this year.

As the months rolled on the superbly fun Mortal Kombat came and went, expertly showing that a story can be interwoven into a fighting game in a way that’s ultimately not cack-handed. Gatling Gears prompted swearing and appreciation of top down destruction and toes were dipped into Child of Eden, Bastion, Dirt 3 and Fruit Ninja Kinect, to name but a few. Tellingly, little of them stuck with me, either through something else new and exciting arriving or already having something else in progress that I was determined to finish.

The biggest cause of missing the titles mentioned previously was the decision to start and finish Dragon Age: Origins. This is a title which is frankly downright ugly in places; the combat is simply spammy to the point of irritation, and any attempt to apply tactical management is hampered by the inability to view the battlefield as a whole (on the XBox version at least). However, the dialogue between the characters is fascinating. The continued bickering between Alastair and Morgan becomes a particular highlight that feels so rare in gaming as to become a standout in this instance, with the many of the quest structures showing an understanding of how to put the players in situations where it is never as simple as right and wrong. It is a title where the game mechanics feel underwhelming, but the storylines lead to real moments of hard thought as the consequences are weighed up. On multiple occasions, the final decision in the quest becomes more than a simple choice between good and bad, as the factions and interests have created a picture that is understandable from every party’s viewpoint. These are the moments where the title shines and the binary nature of picking a dialogue option has a greater grounding in the world as a whole due to the context provided by the developers.

From such weighty decisions a slice of frivolity was required, and Toy Soldiers: Cold War was the perfect tonic. Tower defense is slighted in my mind as a genre that is unforgiving and supremely irritating, but in this instance all the problems were ironed out into a buttery smooth gameplay experience. Include a controllable catchphrase-spouting rocket-spewing Rambo doll as special guest and there is nothing about this game that is not enjoyable. Hell, blowing anything up is fun.

This leads to the end of the year, and to my acknowledgement that I bought as much and never started as bought and fully completed. Deus Ex, Gears of War 3, Modern Warfare 3, Battlefield 3, Alice: Madness Returns, Uncharted 3, Batman: Arkham City, Saints Row the Third and Crysis all added to another festive period which had initially appeared sparse yet bloomed into a price cutting bonanza by mid-November. And while this appears good for the consumer, it masks a problem that sits at the base of the UK gaming industry where the overall value proposition for the buyer has fallen so low that most titles hit £25 only a few weeks after launch, a factor that leads to lost revenue and a general deprivation on the idea of worth of the industry as a whole.

What was hard to get away from was the general feeling of being ever so slightly underwhelmed; in an ironic twist the general quality of the titles released at the tail end of the year is arguably the highest it has ever been. Nearly everything was a polished, well-rounded experience that could never be described as a poor title. Yet the overall sense was one of disappointment and being underwhelmed; Uncharted and Batman in particular suffered from fatigue — the former through an over-familiarity and poor mechanics and the latter due to an aggressive expansion in scope that ultimately diluted part of what made the original game so much fun. If 2011 was an episode of Sesame Street, it would have been presented by the number 3 and the word “shoot,” which meant it was left up to one of the biggest surprises of the year to show that crazy ideas can actually work.

Driver: San Francisco states a simple truth and asks the player to buy into it. The main character is in a coma, and as such, he can dream about the reality occurring around him and move between any vehicles at will simply through the power of the mind. So far so mad, yet it actually works, and manages to create a game that is a fantastic open-world driving title that encapsulates stunts, races and time trials in an incredibly enjoyable way. When shown last year, this was roundly seen as a crazy idea that could only go down, even from this blogger, yet the truth is this was one of the most entertaining titles released.

This leads me finally onto a more personal favourite that has received few words in most round ups but deserves credit nonetheless. Forza Motorsport 4 is arguably the best driving title currently out on the market, with a handling model that feels refined to within an inch of its life. It has been this blogger’s second biggest time-sink this year and worth every minute despite quickly disappearing from the consciousness of the gaming public, but for any serious gearhead out there, it is the title to own at the moment.

This marks the point where I make my decision for my game of the year. And it is Portal 2. There, that bit is now done and dusted.

2012 holds much of 2011 for this blogger; L.A Noire, Shadows of the Damned, inFamous 2 and Skyrim all remain un-started. And that’s not even considering what is in store in the coming 12 months. 2011 was a tremendous year for electronic entertainment, showcasing a level of quality and craft that belies this generation’s length, where developers have begun to truly understand how to get the best out of the on consoles currently on the market. Yet here I am only a week or so into the New Year and wondering what will be available at the end of 2012. Looking at the calendar, it feels very bare, but I can’t help but imagine that it will all change very very soon…

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Over the last few months, I haven’t had a lot of money to pick up most of the popular releases and even less time to play the ones I have been able to grab. With my lack of variety and experience this year, I don’t really feel qualified to join the typical game of the year discussions. So I thought, rather than writing another article on how great Skyrim is, I’d talk about a couple of quality games that surprised me this year, and a couple not-so-quality ones that were pretty disappointing.

First, I have to get in my plug for Bastion. I was anticipating this downloadable game mostly due to videos on Giant Bomb, but most of that coverage revolved around the people of Supergiant Games and the trials and tribulations of the development process, not so much about the game itself.

When it was finally released, I was pleased to find out that the art style was vibrant and beautiful, the narrator was every bit as good as promised, and the soundtrack was one of the best I’ve ever heard. Most of all, the gameplay was solid, which seems to be an item often forgotten with releases that tout their story and style loudly before they come out. I ended up beating it twice within a couple days of purchase, and it’s probably one of the best Xbox Live Arcade games I’ve ever played.

Second on the surprises list is Dark Souls. It wasn’t even on my radar until a week after release. Listening to the stories about how hard the first game was really intrigued me. Hearing discussion about how difficult to understand the game was and listening to phrases such as “tough, but fair” being bandied around finally pushed me to rent the game for a weekend.

The sheer complication grabbed me in a way that no other game had in quite a while. Not only was I exploring the world, I was also exploring the mechanics and figuring out how to play as I went. Sometimes, the learning process was rough, but the complete lack of hand-holding appealed to me and I had put almost fifteen hours into it by the time I had to return it. I’ve checked it out a couple more times since then, and I’m hoping to pick it up when I next have some spare cash.

Unfortunately, not all of the games I played this year surpassed my expectations, and Test Drive Unlimited 2 was the worst offender. I was a pretty big fan of the first Test Drive Unlimited. There’s something about cruising around Hawaii with a bunch of buddies and no real goal, but also without all the demands your regular directed experience puts on you.

When the second game was announced with more cars, better physics, and more roads, I preordered almost immediately. The original had its problems — problems that I thought would be fixed; come release day, though, that hadn’t happened. In fact, the multiplayer servers were so broken that it was almost a week before I even got in the same game with one of my friends. The Casino DLC (which I had to pay extra for) didn’t work for another week after that. The controls were still loose, and the Xbox steering wheel certainly didn’t help things.

Finally, the new storyline structure and the added “lifestyle” elements (some of which have been talked about on this very website) lent a bad taste to what was already a mediocre game. It still sits on my shelf, having dropped in value so fast that it’s not even worth trying to sell back for store credit.

Dead Island suffered from a lot of the same multiplayer issues. I got in on a Steam four-pack at the last minute on the merits of a four-player open-world zombie romp. What I got was a barely operable game that I could play with maybe one or two others, if the connection held long enough to get a mission done.

I thought I could get by on the single-player, but even that got boring after a few hours. Since everything is strictly leveled to your character, there was no fun of discovering a new awesome item or fighting a particularly hard enemy, and no point in completing all the pointless side quests to level up. On top of that, I seemed to pick the most worthless starting character, so by the time I made it to the end of the city that made up the second act, I was tired of fighting people with guns by trying to run up on them with a dagger. My save game still lies there, halfway through the story.

So there you go: a couple of good games worth trying during the new year, and a couple to avoid. Hopefully you make better purchasing decisions than I.

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First things first.

It’s my fault that our 2011 lists are so late getting out. I asked GamerDork’s wonderful writing staff back in December to start thinking of “Game of the Year” lists, or explorations, or whatever they felt like doing to commemorate the year, so that I could have a whole bunch of stuff to start off the new year with a bang.

Then my computer exploded. Well, sort of. Anyway, the end result, excuses aside, is that a lot of great stuff has been waiting patiently in the background to be seen, and that’s what will be featured on GamerDork this week. Before I launch into other folks’ experiences, I just wanted to be up front about why they’re a little late.

Also, I wanted to get my own list out first. Editorial privilege, you know.

I played a lot of games in 2011. This isn’t exactly a unique statement, is it? I feel like I may have gotten a bit excessive, though. I made a resolution at the beginning of last year to complete a game a week to cut down on my terrifying backlog, and I did indeed stick by that! I spent a few months unemployed at the beginning of the year, as well, and that did….scary, scary things to my overall time spent gaming. It’s probably a good thing I resisted the urge to go back to World of Warcraft.

Practically, what this has meant for me has been that it’s a lot more difficult to nail down what my favorite games–or, more to the point, my “games of the year”–might be. What a problem to have, eh? I can’t say I’m complaining.

Instead of having a single top five list (or top ten, or top three, or so forth), then, I’m breaking it up into three different lists, each with its own separate agenda. Let’s start with the list that might head off some outraged reactions if I get it out of the way early:

Top Five Games I Probably Should Have Played in 2011 (But Didn’t):

5. Shadows of the Damned

“Serious” games are all well and good, but sometimes you just have to play something with a gun called the “Big Boner.” I didn’t put Saints Row the Third on this list, largely because I didn’t play the first two, but it’s the same general principle. Ditto Bulletstorm, but that’s going to show up elsewhere.

4. Dark Souls

I was terrified of Demon’s Souls when it first came out, because I felt like I should like it, but the rumors of its difficulty made me feel like if I tried it and didn’t want to keep going, I had failed as a gamer. So, it sat on my shelf until the beginning of this year, when I became completely obsessed with it. Yes, it is a REALLY hard game, but it’s also very fair. If you fuck up and die, it’s because you fucked up and died, not because the game arbitrarily decided to kill you.

Anyway, with all the time I put into Demon’s Souls, Dark Souls should have been a lock for me to play (and probably love) in 2011, but it just didn’t happen. It’s in my plans for sure, though.

3. Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure

(Note: Since I wrote this, I have indeed broken down and delved into the madness that is Skylanders. My current count is twelve. I knew this would happen.)

Every time I walk into a game store right now, I stop and paw wistfully at the Skylanders for a while. I’m not sure why I haven’t broken down yet; maybe it’s just that I know I’ll fall headfirst down the rabbit hole and go all Jeff Gerstmann on it, and my brain is making a desperate effort to save both my wallet and my sanity. Editorial powers mean that you may someday soon be seeing photo galleries of me and my Skylanders on this very site though, so…well, watch for that, I guess.

2. Star Wars: The Old Republic

I listen to a lot of podcasts, and while what I’ve heard about The Old Republic hasn’t necessarily been universally positive, it has been universally….. WoWish. I was very deep into WoW for a long time, and although I haven’t been back (largely because the people I was playing with at the time no longer play either), the concept of that plus lightsabers is awfully tempting. It’ll happen in 2012, for sure.

1. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I know, I know. Shush.

Top Five Games I Really Wanted to List in My Top Five (But Couldn’t):

5. Bulletstorm

You know, I don’t care if they DID make a game where the phrase “I’ll kill your dick” is uttered completely seriously. In fact, I kind of liked Bulletstorm because of all the nonsense. I couldn’t quite see my way clear to declaring it as one of my favorite games of 2011 because….well, they DID include lines like “I’ll kill your dick.” Ridiculous games have their place, though, and I had a great time with this one, much to my own surprise.

4. Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

My complaints against Uncharted 3 are much the same as other people’s; I absolutely think it is a fantastic game, and I enjoyed it a great deal, but it simply didn’t stand out the way that its predecessor did. Something feels distinctly wrong about brushing aside a game that’s clearly so technically and artistically accomplished simply because they did it before, but for me, Uncharted 3 slipped from my memory after I finished it in a way that Uncharted 2 didn’t.

3. LA Noire

This is another one that’s incredibly impressive from a technical standpoint, and indeed, impressive in general. The reason it didn’t make it onto my personal top five list is, simply, the disconnect between the player and Cole. There are times when you feel completely absorbed into the game, true, but then it can all be ruined by attempting to gently prod for more information only to have your on-screen proxy slam his fist into the wall and demand to know why you’re a rapist/murderer/demon. If that’s not enough, three words: Enforced flamethrower section.

2. Catherine

This one’s a painful admission. I really, really wanted to love Catherine. It has all the hallmarks of a game I should love, after all: it’s from the team responsible for Persona 4, it’s incredibly weird and Japanese, and it combines puzzle-solving with what amounts to a relationship sim. While I have nothing but respect for what Atlus tried to do here, though, it simply didn’t fit all that well for me. It’s a deeply flawed game, but it gets major props for doing something different and delving into material that most games don’t dare to touch, at least not in this way.

1. Alice: Madness Returns

For a very long time, I considered American McGee’s Alice to be my favorite PC game of all time. In a way, I still do (although I wouldn’t advise going back to play it again right now…. yikes). I wasn’t disappointed by its sequel, but the reason it didn’t make it onto my list is that it simply didn’t have the same impact that the first one did. Technical weirdness like texture pop-in aside, it was too long, and perhaps too much. Warts and all, this one came really, really close to making it onto my list anyway, but I couldn’t decide in the end whether it was nostalgia pushing my hand or not, so here it sits.

My Top Five Games of 2011

5. Batman: Arkham City

I knew I’d like Arkham City. After all, Arkham Asylum was fantastic, and this should simply be more of the same, right? Well, sort of. Many of the issues I had with AA were resolved with AC, including feeling cramped and forced to backtrack. This wasn’t a plus for everyone, but it was for me. I also got really into the side missions, despite them feeling sort of disconnected from (and at time, at odds with) the main story. In the end, it surprised me how much I enjoyed roaming around that part of Gotham, so it gets a place on this list.

4. Bastion

From the time I spent playing Bastion at PAX East 2011, I was pretty much smitten with it. It’s beautiful, has a simple, addictive gameplay system with upgrades available, and the narration draws players into the story in a way no other game has really matched to date. It’s a lovely, well-constructed package in which flaws are difficult to find, and I can’t wait to see what they do next.

3. Deus Ex: Human Revolution

I never played any of the prior Deus Ex games, so I had absolutely no expectations going into this one. In fact, I very nearly didn’t play it at all; I had no plans to pick it up, and only did so after hearing tons of good things from others (I’m a total sucker for peer pressure). When I did, I ended up loving the open-endedness of the game’s progression, and the multiple paths that become open to you as you customize your character. I suck at stealth, for example, so rather than waste points in those abilities, I centered on making a speedy hacker who was tough and good with guns. This served me just as well as if I’d gone in a different direction. Let’s just ignore those boss fights, shall we?

2. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Motion controls are the bane of my gaming existence. The Wii games I play are frequently in spite of them, and my favorites tend to be the ones that don’t require me to use them at all, but rather allow for a Classic Controller or simply turning the remote sideways to emulate a NES paddle. Skyward Sword is the first Wii game I’ve played where I felt that the motion controls were not only bearable, but actually added to the game itself. Without them, the experience would not have been as strong. I could go on about the story being immersive and brilliant (primarily to pre-existing Zelda fans, but that’s me anyway), or about the impressionistic visuals being perfectly suited to the Wii’s capabilities, but in the end, I think the highest praise I can give Skyward Sword is that it made me like motion controls. That’s impressive.

1. Portal 2

I’m pretty sure Portal and Portal 2 are the only games I’ve ever played that can simultaneously make me feel like a genius and an idiot. The “AHA!” moments that they provide when you finally see that solution that’s been evading you are like nothing else. It would have been all too easy for Portal 2 to simply ride the coattails of its predecessor and do the same thing, only bigger. Sure, it does that to a point, but it’s so much more than that.

The writing continues to be consistently brilliant, the performances by all of the voice actors are inspired (particularly J.K. Simmons as Cave Johnson),  and the mechanics take a simple idea and expand it into something that effortlessly fills a whole game without becoming stale. More than that, they manage to add a co-op mode that’s completely different from the single-player experience and make it just as robust. I was impressed and dazzled and drawn in, and I believe that Portal 2 truly deserves the title of Game of the Year.

For me, anyway. Opinions will vary.

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SOPA protests reach all the way to GamerDork HQ this week, where we show our support by saying as many things that should probably be censored as we can. Oh, and we also talk about video games and stuff.

Visit us at our new home at SPOnG.com to download the new episode, subscribe on iTunes, or subscribe to our RSS feed!

© 2008-2011 GamerDork.net. All rights Reserved.
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As I’ve been told I’m the board game go-to guy for GamerDork, I thought I should write a kind of introduction to the world of gaming without electricity for anyone who’s interested in trying this type of game.

Now I’m not saying I’m a guru on all things board games related, or know the answer to every question you may have.  Sorry — I’m not, and I don’t. What I am saying is I’m the dumb git who said he would write some articles about this strange world.

So where to begin?

I could sit here and extol the virtues of sitting round a table face-to-face with your opponent as you slowly crush them and their dreams of taking you down, then, walking out the door at the end of the night with their crumpled spirit in your back pocket, accompanied by the sound of them gently sobbing in a corner.

Er………..anyway……..where was I?

Oh yes, talking about the virtues and all that kind of thing.

I won’t do that though, as there have been so many of these pieces written before. Instead, I thought I’d try and talk about the problems within the genre. I know it sounds strange, but it will make sense. I hope.

It will take some time, so go get a drink, make yourself comfortable; I’ll wait.

Sorted?

All ready?

Then I’ll begin.

Picture the scene:

Two guys sit down at a table staring at a brightly coloured box. Let’s call them “Geek N” and “Geek K.”

“You ready for this?” asks N.

“Okay, let’s do it,” says K.

With that, they open the box. Both sit back and stare, then K exclaims, “Look at all this stuff! How the hell do we use all this!?”

N smiles, hands K the encyclopaedic rule book, and says, “This is how.”

This isn’t a joke; this is actually what happened the first time I sat down to play a board game with my friend and gaming compatriot, Mr. Xibxang.

Before I began this obsession, I was only playing board games with my daughter and my partner: the usual things like Monopoly, Guess Who, Mousetrap… you know, all those kinds of things.

Then I was asked if I would like to try some board gaming.  In the past, I’d tried my hand at Dungeons and Dragons, and tried a bit of Warhammer, so I thought, why not?

I sat down at the kitchen table and what I was faced with was unlike any game I had ever seen.  It was a game called Descent: Journeys in the Dark. Take a look at it:

See? Now do you know understand what I mean when I say I was totally overwhelmed?

So here is the first of the problems I’ve encountered: the sheer expansiveness of some of these games.

Dealing with all these parts is the start of what puts people off board gaming. All those cardboard pieces have to be pushed out of large sheets and sorted into groups. Cards have to be unwrapped and sorted into their separate decks, and all the figures have to be sorted out into relevant piles.

Then you have to find lots of little bags, or buy a segmented box to keep them in. Why do that, you ask?  Well if you don’t, you’re going to spend ages sorting out all those pieces every time you want to play a game. Let’s be honest; could you really be bothered? No, I didn’t think so! Go get some bags, then.

Another problem I’ve encountered is the space needed to play a game.  I’ve found myself, at one point while playing Descent, in charge of populating and controlling the game board, as well as being in charge of the playing pieces — kind of like the banker in Monopoly, if you will. Because of the number of pieces and the size of the playing area, I found myself with a chair on either side of me for the sole purpose of placing boxes on for easy access to everything I would need throughout the game, due to the fact that the board was occupying the entire table.

The next problem you’re going to face is the rule book. This can be a colossal pain in the posterior!

Before you can start playing, you are going to have to invest a few days in reading through this. You need not only read it, but also understand, decipher, and remember it; you also need to be prepared to impart all of the basic information to whoever you manage to press-gang into joining you for a game.

At that point, your choices are either you tell them, or give them the rule book and let them read it themselves.  I wouldn’t advise this with someone new to board games, though, because let’s face facts: if someone asked you to play a game, then handed you a gigantic book and said read this, then give me a call when you’re ready to play, how quick would you be in telling them where to stick the book?

What makes it even harder to do this, in my experience, is that most rule books are badly written and leave a lot up to interpretation by the players. Some rule books even have an updated version online within days of the game being released.

It’s at this point you find out just how much the internet, and especially board game forums, are your best friends.

I have found during play that a situation often (or should that be always) arises that the rule book doesn’t have a clear rule for. At this point you basically take a vote between the players to decide how you should proceed, or as most people call it, you make a ‘House Rule;’ once you have that sorted, you can carry on with the game.

When you have finished playing, it’s on to the internet to check the board games forums to find out what everyone else is doing at the point you had the problem with.  Then you have to copy it, print it, add it to the already HUGE rule book, and inform all the other players that you were right, they were wrong, and therefore their victory doesn’t count because they basically cheated (even though they didn’t know it at the time).

To address this problem, a lot of games companies have their own forums or Q&A pages that can answer any questions for you, but it still means trawling through sites, or asking and waiting for replies. For me personally, this is the biggest problem out there.  With all the actual play testing that is done, they should be able to get the rule books into a better, more easily understandable format.

The next problem? Time! Be prepared to sink a lot of time into playing board games.  As I said, you need to put a lot of time into just understanding the basics before you start playing.

Most games come with a basic time limit that it should take to play.  Now when you’re just starting to play, expect to double that time, at least. In some cases you may not even finish a full game the first few times. What you’ll find extends the time is constantly having to refer to the rule book.  No matter how well you think you know the rules, I can guarantee you will forget, or need to check how certain things work.

“But, I’ve got a photographic memory!” you say. “Does every person around the table have one?” I reply, and “do you think I’m going to trust you when the fate of my adventurers and the chance to take you down is at stake?”

This means you pause while the rule is read out, and everyone tries to digest and interpret how it affects what they were planning on doing.

There is one more problem, and it’s the biggest and worst of them all: the addiction factor!

I’m not only talking about the time you spend on these games; it’s the bank-draining extras. With so many of these games companies bringing out expansions and add-ons, if you like a game, you will probably want all the new shiny bits to add to it.

Then you become a real geek! Like I mentioned near the start, you spend your hard-earned cash on special slip cases for your cards and new boxes to hold all those little pieces in their own separate sections.

Yes, I am that geek. Here’s my box for the Tannhauser game.

Notice the spaces? These are for some of the extra figures I will end up buying. Yes, I have thought that far ahead. Yes, I’ve already said it. I’m a geek!

As I’ve said, there is a lot of preparation before you even get to the playing of a game. But if you and a group of friends or family are prepared to sink the time into the preparation, then what you will find is a truly absorbing world of gaming.

Of course, the games I’m talking about here are more of the large-scale sprawling games, and there are small quick-play ones available. However, the basic principals and pitfalls are the same no matter which type you play.

The styles and genres of games available are immense. If you have a particular favourite style of movie, book or video game, I can guarantee there is a board game about it. There are large- and small-scale games, card games, and dice games; it’s almost limitless. I’m sure there’s one out there that’s perfect for you. The only problem is finding it, but I think you will have a fun journey while you search for the one.

I hope that after reading this piece, you will still give board games a try. The pitfalls and problems I’ve detailed above are far outweighed by the fun you can have when a group of you get round a table with a game you love.

If you do want to follow me down the rabbit hole, a great source of information on almost every board game out there is http://boardgamegeek.com/ If you try a game and get stuck, the forums over there are a great and friendly source of help.

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Try to imagine the life of a time gone by.  It was a time of people reading games magazines, sitting in their bedrooms watching loading screens, and hearing the screeching noise of cassette-tape decks playing code that would result in a race for the mute button.  These were the days before the behemoth publishers such as EA and Valve became commonly known.  Yes, the late 80s and early 90s are fondly remembered by some of us due to the simplicity of life, and generally low expectations of games.

We can relate to Grand Theft Auto : Vice City’s radio adverts for the Degenatron video game system, where you control the green dot in your race to defeat the monstrous red square!  In those days, games were much more arcade-like in their design, since there weren’t large budgets to afford mainstream media advertising, and the arcades were where many kids and adults alike spent their change.  The graphics there were often far superior to what you could have in your own house, so you were happy with the often-poor home conversions of games.

If you ask a cross section of people, you will find a large amount of diversity in their choices of the golden age of gaming — when things took a leap forward and the expectations of gamers changed.  To some, it is the Wii with its casual gaming, and the XBox 360 / PS3 with the move to HD graphics.  To others, it’s the 16-bit era of the Super Nintendo and Sega Megadrive, with great conversions of Street Fighter 2.  To me, it is the 32-bit era of the Sony PlayStation and Sega Saturn.

This was when the hardware reached the stage where developers were making games on CD and making full use of the larger capacity of storage space available.  The following generation, however, saw the PC make a push from being something to replace your typewriter to representing itself as a solid games machine.  During the late 90’s and early years of the 21^st century, the online gaming scene pushed things from local multiplayer with a few mates to anonymous gaming with the world, and online patching and expansion became the norm.

Since games designers have had the opportunity to push more and more programming into their titles, a precedent has been set where we often feel a product is devalued if it contains a main storyline that can be completed in a relatively short time.  With the arcade-style games of old, they were usually completed in a couple of hours.  Even one of the most classic games of all time, Sonic the Hedgehog, can be completed in little over an hour without skipping any levels.  Super Mario Bros. 3 can be completed much faster if you use the warps to get to the last world straightaway.

Today’s gamers are surprised if they bring a game home, unwrap it and insert the disc into the drive and are not expected to immediately download a patch.  With the ruthless market expectations, developers are expected to commit to a release date and stick to it (with the obvious exception of Duke Nukem Forever!).

This means that games are churned out to meet sales, but are often unfinished.  Resident Evil 5, for example, caused a big media backlash for announcing that its online versus mode was going to be released as DLC instead of part of the main game.

So with games systems featuring increasingly important online components, patches have become commonplace, and this has opened the door for increasingly large hard drive space allocation.  Of course, games prices have risen to help subsidise the mounting development costs associated with these demands.  As a result, gamers expect to be rewarded with a good value return on their investment.

Twitter’s @MonicaRosalyn gave me her thoughts :

You definitely want to get your money’s worth from a purchase.  When you’re spending the sort of money that games cost these days, you feel you need to invest a lot time in them and it’s disappointing when you have finished the game in a couple of days.

So how do the game designers tailor their games to repay that investment?  Some push for an involving storyline, emotionally attaching you to charismatic people such as Nathan Drake, John Marston, or Lieutenant Commander John (or Jane) Shepard.  Some try to achieve the same idea, but fail to make the protagonist likeable.  Grand Theft Auto 4 would have been better received if Niko Bellic wasn’t instantly forgettable.

Although the character is an important aspect of the game, modern day RPGs have taught us that you can, to a certain degree, role-play and develop characters in your own styling.  You might choose to play Fallout 3 as a psychopath, homicidally murdering people in their sleep and insulting everyone you speak to.  (Telling a woman she was bats**t crazy was hilarious to me!)  If nothing else, it lets us mold the story to our own choosing, rather than dictating a linear path in the style of games like Uncharted 3.  I have previously written about being a recovering World of Warcraft addict, and so asked Monica how important the story is to a current MMO player.

As a MMORPG player the main game is not really started until you reach the top levels. There has to be a fair balance between the story of the game as you reach the top levels, and the content you unlock when you get there.  You also need some direction with your quests.  Although we like to explore the environments, it can be very disheartening when you don’t have a clue where you need to go for the latest quest you picked up.

It’s very important to have a main storyline so that you know what the aim of the game is and you know what you are fighting for! After all, you are most likely playing the role of a hero (or villain) whose aim is to save (or destroy) the world!

Amongst the titles in her gaming library, Monica plays Final Fantasy XI.  As with all MMOs, a lot of the draw that brings us back to these games is the community.  We have both spent hours in our respective games completely ignoring any questing because we are too busy using them as expensive online chat rooms.  I’m pretty sure that’s not what the developers had in mind, but as long as we keep paying them their monthly subscription fees, I don’t think they’ll stop us!

Sometimes you just sit at the keys and don't want to go out and kill things.

Of course there are plenty of free to play titles now, which operate on micro-transactions.  This type of retail means that you are, in effect, playing a massive pizza base of a demo, with the option of adding extra toppings through purchasing character slots, classes, and in some cases (notably Lord of the Rings Online), even quests!

This does allow you to try and actually play the game for free, all the time ignoring that constant carrot on a string dangling in front of your eyes, offering instant access to top-level gear, but amazingly, Sony appears to have made quite a lot of money in PlayStation Home by selling clothes for avatars, and Microsoft has tempted lots of users to buy that Lightsaber for their avatar.

It’s now mid-January, and I racked up a decent list of games completed in 2011.  Since I wrote my investigation into games rental services, I have played many games that I would never have touched, and have been quietly surprised by the content of some of them.  With the mass media advertising of certain games (Skyrim, Battlefield 3, Zelda: Skyward Sword), it is very easy to ignore budget titles.  Titles like Bastion have proved that you don’t need to invest £40 to be drawn into a good game, and that there are plenty of options out there for the modern gamer.  Do yourself a favour and try some indie games on Steam, XBLA and PSN.  It’s not all Plants vs Zombies and Angry Birds.  If we don’t support small developers, we will just have endless sequels flooding the market.

Monica is a part-time library assistant who is working towards becoming a web developer. Her hobbies include computer gaming and fitness (she is qualified in level 2 Fitness Instructing!).  You can follow her on Twitter by searching for @MonicaRosalyn, and check out her blog which is at http://michaelhoward.net/monicablog/ .

If you know of anyone that may have an unhealthy addiction to massively multiplayer online roleplaying games, don’t worry too much.  After a few years, this will turn to boredom as their friends move on to other games and the community they enjoy disappears.

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I never played Nanostray, Shin’en Multimedia’s scrolling space shooter for the DS, nor did I pick up its sequel, Nanostray 2, so when the cousin of the family, Nano Assault, showed up for the 3DS, it nearly sailed right under my radar. It would’ve been a shame if it had, because while the game isn’t exactly the most complex or demanding experience around, it’s definitely an entertaining way to spend a few hours.

Like Nanostray, Nano Assault has you piloting a ship loaded with a variety of explodey-bits which you will use to blast your way through the waves of baddies blocking your path. Unlike Nanostray, though, Nano Assault takes the “Nano” part of its name a bit more literally by making your spaceship tiny, and your field of battle the infected cells of the human body.

Ever seen the movie Fantastic Voyage? Or the Magic School Bus TV series? It’s sort of like that, if you add Trauma Center, and also Space Invaders.

The premise is really simple: there’s a horrible virus running rampant, and you must hunt it down and destroy it to prevent its spread. The controls aren’t much more complex; you move your ship with the analog stick, and shoot with the A, B, X, and Y buttons, each of which corresponds to the direction in which your ship will shoot when they’re pressed.

There are two types of levels to traverse. The majority are ground stages, which function very similarly to the planets in Super Mario Galaxy; they’re three-dimensional maps of cells on which you must use your ship first to collect three segments of DNA scattered over the cell’s surface, then to eradicate the viruses infesting the cell itself. Once both of these tasks have been accomplished, the cell is “purified,” and you can move on to the next.

The ground levels are interspersed with more traditional on-rails sections that play a bit like a twin-stick shooter…only with just the one stick. I found these levels a bit more difficult to navigate than the ground ones for that very reason; your targeting reticule is more sensitive than your ship’s movement, but they’re both controlled by the same stick, so if you find yourself in a situation where you need to move around quickly and/or precisely, it can feel like your ship is simply lagging a bit behind your crosshairs.

Difficulty scales to you, but it seems to err on the side of caution as it does so; I never felt particularly challenged, and I breezed through all 32 stages in a few short hours. If I can do that, I imagine it’d be even easier for someone who’s actually good at this genre.

There’s precious little in the way of story to be found in Nano Assault, but fortunately the visuals are good enough that it doesn’t matter a whole lot. The stages themselves aren’t drastically different in style, but they are quite pretty, and the bosses make up for any lack of variance by being creative and impressive in scale.

It’s also worth noting that the 3D is implemented quite well, particularly in the rail-shooter sequences and aforementioned boss fights. It’s no slouch in the cell-roving sections either, and in fact got me daydreaming about how sweet an iteration of Mario Galaxy on the 3DS could be.

If you’re looking for a deep, engrossing adventure, this really isn’t it. If, however, you’re interested in a straightforward, well-realized 3D shooter to entertain you for a while, Nano Assault is worth a look. Replay value is low, but while you’re in it, you’ll have a good time.

6/10

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It turns out we’re pretty big fans of Skyward Sword around these parts, so prepare yourself for lots of Zelda talk! We also try to resist the lure of Skylander-mania, lament the lack of real news, and wonder just how Solid Snake gets all the ladies with such ease.

Visit us at our new home at SPOnG.com to download the new episode, subscribe on iTunes, or subscribe to our RSS feed!

© 2008-2011 GamerDork.net. All rights Reserved.
Hosts: Leah Haydu & Alex Shaw
Producer: Leah Haydu
Do you have feedback or questions? Email us at rerolled@gamerdork.net

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Now that the holidays have wound down, it’s time to catch up on all the stuff you missed while you were stuffing your face with delicious holiday treats and watching Die Hard for the eleventy-billionth time. To get you started, check out these articles from around the Character Select Network from the month of December!

Celeste O’Neill ponders the implications of….well, just what the title says, really….in To Save or Not to Save:

So my question, really, is why would someone do this? Why, when you’ve defeated a boss and explored a cave or two, would you not save that progress so that it doesn’t matter if the game crashes, or if someone changes the channel, or if someone sits down on the floor and in so doing accidentally turns the Xbox off with their bottom? Is that bottom really to blame, or is it the fault of the player for failing to ensure that progress is safe?

Jamie Davies points us towards a beautiful sequel to an already beautiful game in this Trine 2 review:

The bright sunlight filters through the scenery producing impressive God-rays, while the luminous plants sway in the virtual breeze and wildlife scatters in the distance. It’s this fine attention to detail which makes the game an absolute joy to play, a real treat for the eyes. On the times where the setting shifts to an indoor environment, it’s hard not to be overwhelmed by what’s on show. Cobwebs, cupboards and lighting are all lovingly crafted and directed, creating settings that are as enchanting as Trine’s fantasy themes.

James Carter explores an issue many gamers may not have ever really considered in Slow and Steady Wins the Day:

Given none of life’s many constraints, how would you choose to spend your time with a game? This could be about where we’d play, when or how often. We might like to play, as many of us probably used to, with our best friend sat right next to us on a sofa or butting shoulders with a friend and rival in a local arcade. The upshot of this wistful daydream (at nigh-on midnight, no less) is that we all have our own ideal(ised) ways of playing the games we love. This preferred playstyle might vary from game to game, or by genre. It is this point that occurred to me recently when looking at a few, select titles that have entertained me over the past few years.

Check out these and many more fantastic articles around the network, and enjoy your first month of 2012! (We here at GamerDork hope the Mayans were wrong, and will anxiously await confirmation of this in the months to come.)

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In what might be the only gaming podcast you’ll listen to this week where no one’s playing Skyrim, Leah is joined by Nick to talk about Zelda, Batman: Arkham City, The Binding of Isaac, and more. Listen carefully and you can also hear Leah morphing into a power-crazed dictator right before your very ears, courtesy of Civilization V. There’s also a rather pointed non-chat about the VGAs.

Visit us at our new home at SPOnG.com to download the new episode, or subscribe on iTunes!

© 2008-2011 GamerDork.net. All rights Reserved.
Hosts: Leah Haydu & Nick Dinicola
Producer: Leah Haydu
Do you have feedback or questions? Email us at rerolled@gamerdork.net

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[I wrote this the week it came out. I then had something of a gaming midlife crisis (again) and didn’t submit it. Consider it a review for a game you were waiting to drop to £19.99 for]

I used to wonder what it would take for me to become a ‘professional’ games journalist. I hate my job but know a lot about games so, y’know, writing for a living could be fun, right? I mean, you get to play games all day and write about them! What could go wrong?! And even if you got a game that was utter fucking gash, you could lay into it because hating on shit is also fun! It’s a win-win!

But what happens when you get games that are, for want of any better description, only ‘OK’? Forcing yourself through an abortion of a title is kind of fun, just so you can put the boot in, but what about those thousands of titles that fail to elicit ANY kind of response above a shrug and “…s’alright”? This is the problem I have with Driver:San Francisco.

The Driver games have something of a shaky lineage. The first one was a cracker for its time, although I do know quite a few people who never got off the ‘tutorial’. Tutorial isn’t a strong enough word, to be honest. You’d have to extend it into a phrase, like “trial by fire,” or “the game fists you with a rusty plate-mail glove,” something like that. Anyway, if you did get into it you’d notice it was a good ‘un. After that, well… Driver 2 was trying to be ahead of its time, but Driver 3 was one of the worst games I had the misfortune to play on the PS2, and given the PS2′s copious back catalogue, that’s really saying something. I didn’t even bother with Parallel Lines.

After that small catch up, we find ourselves at Driver:San Francisco, and Ubisoft Reflections has a problem. Given the proliferation of GTA-style games (and their own mis-step with Driver 2), there’s a problem of how to make available to the player a vast inventory of cars without having a police detective turn into a graceless thug by stopping traffic, dragging the drivers of the cars to the tarmac, and stealing off with their ride. How do you get around that? By putting your main character in a coma and giving him the ability to remove himself from his body and into anyone else who is behind the wheel. Don’t worry about spoilers; this happens about five minutes in, so you’d know about it soon enough.

You control Tanner, who can ‘Shift’ out of his body and float above the city to have a shufty from a birds’ eye view; then you pop yourself into a car to toddle off and perform missions, or just bomb around the city, leaving carnage in your wake. Apparently, being a copper gives you carte blanche to just write off people’s conveyances willy-nilly.

With more of the city unlocking as you progress complete with Activites (side missions which earn you Will Power to pay for upgrades to boost bars and also to unlock more cars in Free Ride) and other types of side missions as well. The thing with Shifting is that it takes some time for it not to seem utterly, utterly ridiculous. In fact, it never seems to become un-ridiculous; it just gets less ridiculous as you play the game and the plot develops. It doesn’t help that the navigation of the map, with its three zoom levels (ground level, slightly higher and pretty far out), is quite a bit clumsier and slower than it really needs to be, and for the first hour or so, the Shifting aspect breaks up the flow of the game quite a bit.

Some of the missions also have you take down enemies/suspects/the police from your vehicle, and encourage you to Shift out of your body to commandeer an oncoming large vehicle, thus running into them and stopping them dead, but this…well, it feels like cheating. If you can just head-on into enemies, why would you even bother chasing them? The chase is the majority of the fun in games like this, so to be able to simply jump into a tanker and plow into the enemies just seems a little rubbish. Add to that the fact that the AI that takes over your car in these missions is a little flaky, and that the computer AI cheats like hell, and you’ll find it’s occasionally made frustrating.

Speaking of missions, we should expand on them a bit. You have certain missions to complete before you can go into a story progression one. These are usually tied into recurring characters throughout the game into whose bodies Tanner pops to help out in some way, or to steer the plot forwards before the next large jump. It’s also a good way of crowbarring in a lot of variety of game types from contrivances like “Disarm the bombs under the trucks!” where you have to get in low-slung sport cars and get under flat-bed trailers to disarm said bombs, to using your mad driving skills to save a pair of Japanese students who thought illegal street races would be a good way to pay for college. That’s just two examples, but there’s enough to stop the game going stale pretty quickly, especially when you throw in the eighty or more activities dotted around the vast map. I never felt the need to keep going with the activities, which was weird as I’m usually a sucker for trying to mop up as much side mission stuff as possible.

There are a vast number of licensed cars, vans, and trucks in Driver:San Francisco, and although there’s a satisfying sense of weight, gravity, and resistance to the handling in general, each vehicle is individual in the way it drives. The Trans-Am is like a shopping trolley with a rocket strapped to its arse, whereas the Audi R8 is a smooth-as-butter, flowing-like-water-from-a-fountain ride from heaven. The Charger is heavy but fun, the Scirocco nimble but not that quick, and there’s everything in between.

As I’ve mentioned, the story is very, very peculiar for a game of this type, and in its quirky way, it’s kind of refreshing. It took a lot of balls for Reflections to pull something so odd out of the hat, and even though it feels a bit wrong at times, it’s something a little different and that should be applauded on its own. The writing isn’t bad, with a lot of the incidental characters descending into annoying white noise (except the Nakamuras, the aforementioned street racers) but Tanner and Jones have some very amusing banter and Tanner himself is packed with one liners and comments that make him likeable and actually quite cool. That, and he’s an American protagonist in a video game that’s not voiced by Nolan North either, which makes a fucking change.

One thing that jarred, and this sounds an odd, back-handed compliment in itself, is the way the cut-scenes abruptly skip from rendered in-car dialogue to in-engine car shots. The dialogue scenes are shot like American TV shows (at, say, 24fps), whereas the in-engine stuff is at the same 60fps (for the majority, it sometimes slows down a little when busy) the game is played in. I know this seems like nitpicking, but the story is driven along by these scenes, and it has a cool TV show aesthetic to it, so it just makes you wonder why they didn’t make the in-engine shots run at the same frame rate with the same grain filter over the top just for them. Well, aside from people pissing and moaning about how it isn’t 60fps.

The thing about Driver:San Francisco is that it never raised itself above “That’s really cool” but it never descended into “What the fuck is this sack of shit!?” It just kind of plodded along, being entertaining and balancing out its good points with its bad points in some kind of equilibrium of OK-ness, admittedly one populated by more peaks than troughs. It’s a shame, because the love for the genre (including the movie homages crammed in throughout) is abundant, and it’s polished as hell, even if it does have its clumsy UI elements. Driver: San Francisco is by no means a bad game, not by any stretch of the imagination; it’s just not a great game.

6/10

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It’s that time of year again, folks…the time when we’re all a little overwhelmed by all the amazing titles flooding the shelves and competing for our attention. It’s not a bad problem to have, all things considered, but we in the Character Select Network are committed to helping you make your choices in as easy and informed a manner as possible. Take, for instance, these outstanding articles from the month of November!

Dan Bendon assures us that there ARE a few games for the 3DS worth playing in his review of Super Mario 3D Land:

One thing I wasn’t prepared for was how well the 3D effect works; trust Nintendo to be the ones to finally master their own hardware. For comparison I played a little of the game with the 3D off and although it worked fine I missed the depth. Perhaps it was in my mind but the game seemed a little tougher in 2D. I very much doubt the 3D effect makes the three dimensional platforming any easier; that is taken care of by employing a much simpler conceit, very obvious shadows. Coins, enemies, power ups and of course, Mario himself, cast bold shadows across horizontal surfaces making movement in the 3D space much easier to judge, leaving you to enjoy some classic Mario gameplay in some beautifully designed levels. As a Mario game it’s hardly ground breaking; it draws upon many of the previous titles but what it takes from them is what made those games great. You’ll need to stick with the game to see the best it has to offer and it’s not really the type of game you will replay as soon as you’ve finished it but I can see myself playing though Super Mario 3D Land a couple more times over the next year or so.

Matt Ingrey warns us that our time could probably be better spent than playing Dungeon Defenders:

The one thing that would save the game was if it rewarded players, but it doesn’t even do this. If we offered you a toffee apple every time we kicked you in the shin, you might deal with that. Dungeon Defenders will only give you a sickly treat if it’s kicked you in the face eighty-thousand times first. People play games for that feeling that they’ve achieved something. Either specifically with an Achievement, or that obtaining a new item, a feeling we’re getting somewhere, that we’ve overcome some obstacle. The achievements in Dungeon Defenders are so grindy that it will take upwards of fifty hours to unlock a single one, unless you co-op with high level players and just get them to earn some on your behalf. The game constantly throws new items at the player in true loot-whore style, but every single one of them is completely useless. The best you can hope for is that you’ll gain a point or two to your attack or your defence, and it results in no discernible effect at all in the game. Even when you get a better item it takes ages to work out if it’s actually better as you encounter the menus again.

James Carter shares some Japanese games you might have overlooked in all the excitement in How the East Was Won:

This year I have found something refreshing about playing games that aren’t mutton masquerading in the robes of lamb. Whether the tried and tested formula of a Zelda game, the wacky world of an ethereal detective solving his own murder, the unapologetic and unrelenting …Souls games or the emotionally wrought tale of a father’s love for his daughter in 3361, I have found something to love in each of these games. Something that sets them apart and identifies them to me as unafraid of forgoing some of the checkboxes in favour of providing a focused vision and, occasionally, a very special experience.

Whether we helped you make some choices or just added new things to the list, we certainly wish you a happy gaming month!

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Because we love you….

We’ve gotten our hands on some beta keys for Jagex’s upcoming title 8Realms, and we’d like to pass on the happytimes to YOU! Read on to see what this is all about and how you can get in on the fun.

If you’d like to check out a bit about the game, you can check out their website, or see what they have to say here:

8Realms is a free to play, online multiplayer strategy game and is a slight departure from what Jagex is known for, but continues Jagex’s tradition of having fun in the browser.

In principle you are the proprietor of a settlement which, through trading, researching, building and battling, you level up through 8 ages – Ancient, Classical, Feudal, Renaissance, Imperial, Industrial, Modern, Future.

The game is a persistent, Real Time Strategy Game where the game is never ‘off’ – unlike other games logging out of the world does not mean your game disappears, it is still going on. It is a portable game that can be accessed and played on any internet enabled devise. In essence you can log on at home, log on on the way to work on your Smartphone/iPad, and log on again at work.

The trials we have done so far have seen people get hooked to the game, stating that although you only need to devote a small amount of time (dipping in and out) they cannot put it down.

The game offers people a chance to compete against thousands of players, starting off at the dawn of time progressing your Empire through 8 “Realms” with a climactic arrival into the Future , however it can also be played as an independent game for those who want their own experience in their own time, making it a game that fits easily into a busy lifestyle.

Enjoy your time in 8Realms.

If this sounds like your cup of tea, head on over to www.8realms.com and enter GamerDork’s key: GTN14.

Have fun, and let us know what you think!

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Shortly before the release of Serious Sam 3: BFE, our own Dezm0nd got the chance to catch up with Croteam, the game’s developers, and ask a few questions. We thought you might enjoy what they had to say. Be sure to check out the review and gameplay footage as well!

Question 1

Ever since Serious Sam on the PC, there has always been an off-the-wall sense of humour crammed full into the world(s) in which Sam destroys, is this still true for the SS3:BFE and can you give us an example if so?

Serious Sam games will always have a sense of humor and Serious Sam 3: BFE is no different. In fact, there is a sequence early on in the game that mimics something from the original game where a solitary Headless Kamikaze attacks Sam. Once Sam blows him away a huge rush of Headless Kamikazes comes charging through and Sam rethinks his situation a bit, just like in the original.

Question 2

The trailers suggest a more serious tone to the overall feel of the game but I have my suspicions that your tongue is firmly placed in your cheek. From the stunning visuals of Sam ripping out eye balls to the quite surprising use of Iron Sights in the game are we expecting Sam to be leveling up and using perk systems used in 99% of today’s games?

Oh no, we definitely do not have any sort of perk system. While they definitely have their place in other games, Serious Sam 3 maintains a more level playing field where a gamer’s skill with aiming and avoiding oncoming fire are put to the test.

Question 3

What with it coming up to Christmas, can we expect to see the return of Santa as a co-operative playable character?

I don’t want to spoil any surprises but we definitely have some holiday fun planned for Serious Sam 3: BFE!

Question 4

Speaking of Christmas, If Sam was to crack a joke at a Christmas dinner party, what would it be?

What’s the last thing you feel before firing a shotgun pointblank at a Gnaar?

Recoil!

Question 5
Sam would quite clearly win a fistfight against Master Chief, Duke Nukem, Doomguy and even Grayson Hunt (from Bulletstorm) but how would Sam celebrate such an easy, yet equally satisfactory brawl?

You know our man Sam, he’d probably celebrate by giving his fists a rest, picking up a minigun and mowing down a few Headless Kamikazes to blow off a little steam.
Question 6

What with the recent releases of Serious Sam: Double D, Kamikaze Attack and Random Encounter, how does Sam feel about being transformed from 3D to 2D and then back into 3D, if anything at all?

I am sure Sam is pretty happy about Serious Sam Double D and Random Encounter since they were true Serious Sam games filled with crazy action and carnage. I have a feeling that he was not thrilled about Kamikaze Attack what with all the running and blowing up he had to do!

Question 7

Sam looks like a guy with taste and style which makes me wonder what type of music is he interested in and would he ever consider running around with a cannon in one hand and an iPod in the other? (other mp3 devices are available!) Or would it be possible that Sam could balance an 80′s style ghetto blaster on his shoulder at all times?

No doubt Sam is an Undercode fan! They are a heavy metal group from Croatia and provided many of the awesome guitar tracks in earlier Serious Sam games as well as Serious Sam 3!

Question 8

Does Sam drink tea? If so, what kind of biscuit/cookie would be dunked into said cup of tea?

Oh no, Sam survives on a steady diet of steak, energy drinks and violence. Though if you were to offer him some tea I am sure he would take it. Just sprinkle a little gunpowder in before sending it his way.

Question 9

Instead of heading towards film parodies and references would it be possible for Sam to start having a crack at other video game characters?

Go back and play some of the older games, there were a few shots at some of the other so-called video game heroes! Sam is not to be messed with!

Question 10

This one is for Croteam. How are you doing today? I hope you’re well!

Thanks, and same to you! We appreciate the support and thanks for your time!

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This week has Leah upping the ante by bringing TWO co-hosts along for the ride. Wackiness, of course, ensues. Visit us at our new home at SPOnG to listen or grab it from your usual iTunes feed!

© 2008-2011 GamerDork.net. All rights Reserved.
Hosts: Leah Haydu, Dan Illson, & Nick Dinicola
Producer: Leah Haydu
Do you have feedback or questions? Email us at rerolled@gamerdork.net

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Resistance 3 may not be the cleverest shooter to have appeared this year, but it is one that managed to create environments that succeeded in not only immersing the player, but also in adding to the fiction the game was trying to present. At various points of the adventure, there are deliberate pauses for thought, letting the player explore the remnants of humanity and see first-hand what impact this triple-title war has had on the USA and the characters within it.

While playing the game, the burnt out buildings and ruined architecture provide their own backdrop of depression to the journey, displaying stark reminders of a past enveloped in misery and suffering. It feels like almost every place has its own story to tell through the graphics and design — a story that is made to shine through the care taken by both the storytellers and artists involved in the title. Without this, the impact would have been greatly reduced and the empathy felt by players would have been weakened — or worse, not there at all.

The creation and realisation of an environment is arguably one of the most important aspects of creating atmosphere within any interactive experience. Without it, the game invariably suffers; this may not be to a large degree, or to a point where it reduces the impact of the mechanics, but it misses that ability to change the conversation from how good the graphics are to how well the environments reflect the mood of the overall piece.

As an example, the difference between the first Gears of War and the third is startling in how well the latter manages to convey a sense of atmosphere and story progression through its landscapes and design decisions. The original title undeniably looked great at the time, but the design sensibilities taken from level to level never felt like anything more than an excuse to show off the engine to prospective buyers or to create well-designed but fairly obvious kill rooms. The game never suffered because of this, but the overall story was not added to by the areas the players journeyed through, with the levels doing little to display anything of the world around it or give it any character.

Conversely, the latest incarnation reveals far more about the universe than ever before; from the old stadium now turned into a refugee camp to the haunting depiction of the city of Char, complete with the uncomfortable sight of ash bodies in various stages of pain and desperation, the impact of the careful design and desire to create a visual story around the player is that much greater because of the meanings conveyed by what can be seen instead of what is told.

Half-Life is rightly heralded as one of the masters of this practice, using more visual clues and indicators to show what is happening around the player than almost any other game. The second title is where this work really came to the fore, with diagrams, messages and little asides running throughout the adventure for those that are observant enough to see them. Each works to fill in parts of the story not necessarily covered in the narrative, or attempts to give a flavour of what the other characters, both known and unknown, are experiencing while current events are unfolding.

This has expanded to Valve’s other properties, with Portal containing a whole tale surrounding a mysterious character only known as Ratman who has scrawled messages on the test chamber walls telling of previous failed attempts to escape the facility. By asking the player to pay attention to more than where the exit is, it rewards those willing to explore and interpret the environmental design.

But representing more than Valve’s clever storytelling is the way the environments are built to feel entirely convincing and believable from beginning to end. Portal 2 managed to create a credible world by designing a uniformity that could be seen both in the new and old test chambers. The cleverest move the team made was to create common threads of procedure that persisted and improved across each phase of the company’s history, allowing the player to see how Aperture Science changed from its initial steps into its present day incarnation.

From the very first Companion Cubes to the subtle but consistent changes to the iconography and images during each Aperture transition, the attention to detail shown in how the environments were put together allowed evolution to be shown, not just described.   Going back to the first title after the sequel shows how much the original test chamber design was mainly a collection of individual levels with very little narrative behind it.

However, the bigger question is what are environments intended to deliver? Does it need to be any more than a pretty window dressing to the action the player is directing? Uncharted is arguably the most cinematic video game series currently available, creating areas that are centered more around delivering a sumptuous on-screen sequence or jaw dropping locale than any form of narrative enhancement. In essence, they are set designs to Drake’s personal movie, and as such, they trigger each time to display the next eye-catching set piece.

In these examples, the design brief is purely to set the atmosphere and deliver an exhilarating gameplay experience without really adding to the story the game is trying to tell. This does not provide any negative impact to the experience the player ultimately has throughout these adventures, with the story finding enough ways to breathe that the environment does not have to be used in this regard. The aim of the designers, to draw the player into the world they have created, is realised through the detail put into every part of the geometry and textures.

For most games, it is important to realise that not every location has to tell a story through the pictures it creates. The central aim has to always be to envelop the player into a world, however fantastical, that feels genuine and enjoyable to explore. By delivering this alongside strong level design, navigation becomes not only more natural but exponentially more beautiful to look at and admire. Like a good painting, admiring an artist’s work can be just as fulfilling within the digital space as it can be within your local gallery.

Achieving the above is as good as players have come to expect. A solid level design encapsulated within a world that is at least interesting to look at is the general, and welcome, current way of the entertainment world. Let’s make no mistake: this is not a bad situation to be in. Worlds have been defined and landscapes created that many of us could never have dreamed about. As standards have continually improved, it takes increasingly more dedicated care and attention to what is being created, as well as to the principles behind those decisions, to stand out amongst a given title’s many peers, but those peers have a higher standard than ever before.

So where story may not be possible, every effort needs to be taken to present a world that at least fits into the story and the impression the developer wants to create. For all the bugs Bethesda titles may display on launch, they at least know how to create an environment that feels unified in both design consistency and thematic aims. Fallout 3 captured the nature of the oppressive Wasteland to a chilling degree, showing desolation and degeneration around almost every corner. The depravity could be seen in all aspects of the art, from the design of each shack, boarded-up house and ruined building. No non-playable character had to tell the player’s avatar how bad everything was; it could be seen around every corner.

The most impressive environments can be used to envelop the player into the overall theme of the world it is trying to present, providing a flavour and a sense of being part of a world, not just visiting it. When it provides an opportunity to create inner tales through what can be seen, it creates a history that is personal to the player but relatable to everyone, creating stories to share with fellow gamers that feel that little bit more special. When the time is taken to create a world that feels like it exists and has its own stories both separate and linked to the overall quest, the whole journey feels more fulfilling. Of course this is not applicable to every game, but when it does happen, the results can be striking, something which Skyrim is sure to demonstrate in the coming months.

When this is not attempted, and identical worlds are developed that fulfill a design brief but little more, the results can frequently manage to remind those playing the game that they are just watching a screen and taking part on a predetermined path with little or no deviance from a script of the developer’s choosing. The original F.E.A.R, for all of its clever AI, struggled to create any sort of interesting levels, displaying little more than unremitting and very boring office furniture that rarely changed from level to level. It never attempted to create a context or provide further information to the player through its environment or level design, deciding instead to fall back onto standard tropes of the genre by creating continuous corridors to run and gun down. The lack of atmosphere hurt the title in its ability to make the player buy into the story at large, and while it never made playing the game a bad experience, it did struggle to truly make its world believable. When interest begins to die, it can be hard to bring it back, and when the visuals fail to create a sense of what is happening around the player, the significance of any actions taken is undermined.

The importance of consistency and the use of themes, both centrally and within individual levels, continue to be mostly subconscious appreciations that rarely get described as anything more than stating how good a game’s graphics look. As a discussion, gamers rarely manage to move beyond platitudes that describe how a game presents itself by using phrases that are mainly associated with how “good” or “bad” it appears to be. We rarely discuss how a theme or story is progressed through what we see instead of what we hear. Interactive entertainment discourse is still in its infancy and our identification of what to discuss is still being discovered everyday. Over time, these points will become a greater part of the discussion, but until then keep a closer eye on the surroundings; it may be more interesting than anyone ever realised.

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The timing of Croteam’s latest and greatest release couldn’t be more fitting with the overall theme of the game. It’s Sam versus so many triple-A video games in the real world this winter, and yet it’s Sam versus thousands of enemies in the virtual world. Serious Sam is back and he’s fending off Skyrim, Gnarrs and Zelda all at once!

Serious Sam 3: BFE stands for “Before the First Encounter,” so before any of you get excited with the theory of it being a pun, I can tell you for sure it’s not a pun on any Doom gun. This game takes you back to a time when Mental’s alien race invades planet Earth for a reason I couldn’t explain to you — but who really comes to Serious Sam for the “narrative” (if there was one to begin with)?

Opening up from a cut-scene which sees Sam’s helicopter crashing over Cairo, you instantly feel a familiarity, but not with anything Croteam have done before. We have broken buildings, war-torn streets and even music which could have been ripped from any modern day combat war game of today’s world — but don’t let that put you off. It works extremely well, and throughout the entire opening of the game I was just waiting for it to start pulling wacky pranks like other Serious Sam games but it never came. For some strange reason, it felt right, it felt refreshing, and it was mostly the reason I carried on playing Serious Sam 3: curiosity.

The game still plays exactly as it did before, with literally hundreds of enemies swarming around you at any one time; all of this is handled brilliantly with the balanced weaponry you have in your inventory. There is no Halo-style two weapon mechanic here. This game is old-school in every sense of the term, making Duke Nukem look like the King’s jester, and if it could, it would probably moon Doom 3 and shout some expletive at the same time — something which Croteam do not shy away from.

Swearing in Serious Sam 3 is common and aggressive, but never fails to tickle the funny bone. The sheer contrast of the realistic environments, impressive visuals, and the shockingly serious soundtrack from the game against enemies with no heads who can still scream and even worse, explode, makes this game like no other. I couldn’t help feel that Croteam were just trolling me throughout the entire playthrough of eleven hours.

The overall tone isn’t the only change to the core element of previous Serious Sam games. Sam can now equip a stone mallet and crush enemies’ skulls in, or if you’re feeling rather brave, you can go hands-on and literally rip body parts off of enemies and use them as weapons when facing your next victim. While the melee attack feels slightly overpowered, it certainly doesn’t help during the latter stages of the game; there, you’ll find yourself fighting one of the most intense battles I’ve ever played in a video game before.

Iron sights and sprinting make their way into the game, helping it somewhat, but also affirming the tone of the whole thing as one huge Call of Duty parody. The sprint mechanic actually becomes incredibly useful from escaping the stupidly annoying skeletal enemies known as the Kleer, but the iron sights don’t offer any additional accuracy, from what I could tell.

Co-operative play, both online and offline, is featured for both the campaign and a new Survival Mode, which is essentially Horde Mode. Sixteen of you can play online, which makes for some of the most ridiculous gaming experiences I’ve had in a long time. Those sixty-minute levels are somewhat shortened by fifteen other lunatics with shotguns. It’s insane.

And yes, I did say offline co-operative modes for up to four of you. This is a rare feature for both PC and even console games today, so get some beer, hook your PC up to a huge TV, and get some friends round to help you blast your way through Mental’s horde of mental enemies. It’s insanely worth it, even if you do decide to rock it on your own.

Overall, Serious Sam 3: BFE is an incredible sequel to a game which is somewhat of an acquired taste. The new weapons work extremely well in the game, making it the best balanced single-player experience Croteam have ever created, and despite some levels approaching the sixty-minute mark you never feel tired from what feels like endlessly spawning enemies.

8/10

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